Peace and Quiet: HA!!!

From Peter M, and I fear that this one is true.....

This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out.  Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - - she loved to browse.  Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart.

Dear Mrs. Samsel,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a disturbance in our store and forced us to ban both of you from the premisses. Our complaints against Mr. Samsel are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15th:  Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2nd:  Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at  5-minute intervals.

3. July 7th:  Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19th:  Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, code 3 in houseware! get on it immediately.
             
5. August 4th: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6. August 14th:  Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15th:   Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

8. August 23rd:  When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. September 4th:  Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10th:  While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
       
11. October 3rd:  Darted around the store suspiciously while  loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
      
12. October 6th:  In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
      
13. October 18th:  Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
       
14. October 21st:  When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
 
And last, but not least.
 
15. October 23rd:  Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile; then, yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'
       
Regards,
Tom Richards
Wal-Mart Manager