Peace and Quiet: HA!!!

The picture in the rear view mirror would be interesting. I’m gonna pass!!

Thanks Peter M (*cocked eyebrow*)!!

A Traffic Question

Most men will get this right!
 
Q:   You are driving along a narrow two lane road with a NO PASSING sign posted, and you come upon a bicycle rider. Do you:

   (a)  Follow this slow-moving bicycle rider for the next 2 miles, or

   (b) Do you break the law and pass?

Which is the correct choice?

Scroll down… 
 
 

Apparently A is the answer….

A:  Why take unnecessary risks of getting a ticket?

From Peter M, new AARP Bumper STickers!!!!

Thanks Peter M!

A foursome of guys is waiting at the men’s tee, while another foursome of women is hitting from the ladies’ tees.

The ladies are taking their time.

When the final lady is ready to hit her ball, she hacks it ten feet.

She goes over and whiffs it completely.

Then she hacks it another ten feet, and finally hacks it another five feet.

She looks up at the patiently waiting men and says apologetically,

‘I guess all those f–king lessons I took over the winter didn’t help.

One of the men immediately responds,

‘Well, there you have it, you should have taken golf lessons instead!’

He never even had a chance to duck.

Thanks Vic, this is a howler!!

Married Life

?

Three women - one engaged, one married and one a
 mistress - were chatting about their relationships and decided to amaze their
 men.? That night all three agreed they would wear a leather bodice
 S&M style, stilettos and a mask over their eyes.

?

After a few days they met again…..

?

The engaged girlfriend said, “The other night, when my
 boyfriend came back home, he found me in the leather bodice, 4″ stilettos and
 a mask. He said, ‘You are the woman of my life, I love you’ and we made love
 all night long.”

?

The mistress stated, “Oh yes!? The other
 night,? we met in the office.? I was wearing the leather bodice,
 mega stilettos, a mask over my eyes and a raincoat.? When I opened the
 raincoat, he didn’t say a word.? We just had wild sex all
 night.”

?

The married one then said, “The other night I sent the
 kids to stay at my mother’s for the night.? I got myself ready - leather
 bodice, super stilettos and a mask over my eyes.? My husband came in from
 work, grabbed the remote and a beer and said, ‘Hey Batman, what’s for
 dinner?’”

Hi world! It’s cold and rainy here but at least it isn’t snowing (yet) though flurries are in the forecast. Took today off as mentioned to get the snow tires off (yahoo!) and The Most Spoiled Cat IN The Universe to the vet.

The tire thing went fine. Lugging the snows out of the car wasn’t much fun, but it was an excuse to straighten out (not clean) the garage. Now the snows are close to the door so I don’t have to lug them as far. Also straightened out the car trunk a bit.

The vet’s was funny. One assistant put me and Smokey into a small room. She went home and didn’t tell anyone that we were there. I waited 20 minutes and was thinking of poking my head out the door to see where everyone was…when my cell phone rang. It was the hospital that I was sitting in. They wanted to know where I was and I said that I was already there. A very chagrined (different) receptionist came and got us, brought us to the vet, apologizing all the way. They even gave me a discount to make up for it (I didn’t ask). The VET kept apologizing too!

OK here’s the story: They shaved TMSCITU’s butt. That should stop the ’scooting’ (I hope), there was no need for emptying anything (but they did, ew). There isn’t anything else wrong with her, other than her cough. I finally gave in and asked for Prednizone. Her coughing scares the beejeebers out of me. They are also ordering a ‘kitty face mask’ and a Ventolin prescription just in case she has a serious attack. I keep worrying that she’ll have one while I”m at work, hence the Prednizone. Am not nuts about steroids and know that they can have nasty side effects, so this is temporary to see if it works. The thinking is that she may have asthma. Nothing in her environment has changed….but….she is coughing.

Did anyone else out there watch the end of Big Brother 9? If so, what did you think about who won? I”m flabbergasted, just blown away. Can’t believe that the jury rewarded that behaviour. Let me know what you all think, K?

Have a lovely lovely week, all

BJ

Thank you Geo!!! This is the best joke of the year, IMHO. If you think you have a better one, send it in and I’ll post it.

*Good, Better, Best*

*GOOD*
A Saskatchewan police officer had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn’t getting many. Then he discovered the problem - a 12-year-old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign, which read ‘RADAR TRAP AHEAD’. The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign reading ‘TIPS’ and a bucket full of money. (And we used to just sell lemonade!)
 
*BETTER:*
A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar post in Edmonton, AB. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs.
 
*BEST:*
A young woman was pulled over for speeding. As the Saskatchewan RCMP Officer walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she said, I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the RCMP Ball. He replied, ‘Ma’am, Saskatchewan RCMP don’t have balls.’ There was a moment of silence while she smiled, and he realized what he’d just said. He then closed his book, got back in his patrol car and drove off. She was laughing too hard to start her car.

BJ

Happy Sunday, world. It’s hot and sunny here, hope it’s great where you are. Boo snow!

The hedges that surround each of the townhouses (I live in the center one) have suffered a lot from the recently departed snow. Does anyone out there have experience with hedges? They are cedar, about 20 years old. They don’t get much sun, which is a problem.  The problem this year is that they’re bent over from the snow and don’t seem to be recovering. Also the guys who cleared the ice from the roof damaged them too.

The next door commando (the one who raked my lawn) cut the hedge between our properties quite low. This is a privacy issue, because the woman cannot leave me alone in peace. She called me about the hedge today, and I mentioned putting up a fence. She didn’t like that. Then I asked her to quit cutting the hedge low. She didn’t like that either. I asked both things nicely. WEll, I didn’t exactly ask about the fence. If the professionals that I’m going to call in suggest it, I’ll just do it (putting it up on my side). Then she can make the hedge ankle height if she wants to. Not sure what the condo will think of that, so I guess I have to check into it.

The condo lifestyle definitely is not for me, but even if I sell this place, will have to deal with the hedge bit first (sigh).

Took tomorrow off to get the snow tires off and the cat to the vet. Forgot to get my March blood test, so will do that too.

How is your weekend going?

BJ

Holy catfish world, it’s good here.

Work is going very well (so sayeth the boss and colleagues). Am very happy, feeling appreciated. It’s sunny, icebergs are gone.

Saw the herd of deer again today.

The price of gas and food stink. But Mom’s doing fine, Sis is happy….The Most Spoiled Cat In The Universe is happy and the show I’m addicted to (Big Brother 9) is going exactly the way I predicted.

And my neighbor raked my lawn! A few years ago that would have bothered me, but I’m really glad that she did it. Saves me a lot of backache.

It won’t last forever, but things are finally settling down.

Resting is good.

Hope that you are equally or more happy, calm and safe.

Love ya world!

BJ

It’s actually thunderstorming here, world. The iceberg on the front lawn is gone, revealing all the leaves that have to be raked!

Thanks for this, Peter M. It’s a continuation from a recent post…..

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.

2) Wrinkles don’t hurt.

3) Families are like fudge…mostly sweet, with a few nuts

4) Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground.

5) Laughing is good exercise. It’s like jogging on the inside.

6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the toy.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.

3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you’re down there.

4) You’re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair   

that you once got from a roller coaster.

5) It’s frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

6) Time may be a great healer, but it’s a lousy beautician.

7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

1 — You believe in Santa Claus.  2 — You don’t believe in Santa Claus.

3 — You are Santa Claus.  4 — You look like Santa Claus.

SUCCESS:

At age 4 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.

At age 12 success is . . . having friends.

At age 17 success is . . having a driver’s license.

At age 35 success is . . having money.

At age 50 success is .. . . having money.

At age 70 success is . .. having a drivers license.

At age 75 success is . . having friends.

At age 80 success is . . . not peeing in your pants.

Sorry about the recent absence, folks. My keyboard was acting up something fierce. Today it decided to work.

Speaking of work, it’s still going fine. Am working with a great colleague on a project that could bring me into contact with the guy who ruined my work life in 1990, but…..I’m where I’m supposed to be and I know what I’m doing. Besides, my colleague is a fantastic shield–he makes ME look diplomatic (e.g. he used the word asinine in an e mail to a client. Now THAT is COOL) and we are each other’s biggest fans.

The Most Spoiled Cat In The Universe is visiting her vet on Monday. She has, errr a bottom problem that is common and that I don’t want to deal with. So the vet can. On top of that, she has asthma and I want to get a mask for her in case she starts coughing and can’t stop. She isn’t coughing now, but it comes and goes (as I type I’m getting glared at for being on the computer).

Mom’s doing great. Even her memory’s improving. She, Sis and I went to dinner last night on the spur of the moment. It was a hoot and a half. Don’t you just love girls’/boys’ nights out?

Saw an old photo (like 2 years ago) of me and Mom. Mom was holding something that appeared to be a ham. It was my arm. OK I”m smaller now but sheesh. Diet resumed.

Sigh.

Will be around to visit tomorrow, keyboard willing. Hope you’re all very very happy, warm and healthy.

BJ

 Hey world, Hell has officially frozen over.

It got to 20+ here today which is relatively hot, even though the snowbanks still are around in fairly impressive sizes.

And the Hellhole’s reining whatever (rodent) is leaving. Retiring, Outahere. I’ve seen the ads published in the Globe and Mail, they are seeking a replacement.

Those are pretty shitty sandals to fill, but I’m sure someone out there is up to the job.  If that person’s looking for a bunch of money, all they have to do is shove their cranium where the sun don’t shine and show up for the job interview.

Geez, even Hell has a finite existence.

Will wonders ever cease?

BJ

p.s. word has it that the minions of the hellgate, all 3 of them, are very nervous. Geez, what a tough break.  It’s not like they’re unqualified for their jobs (snicker).

Sorry to be so cynical world, am just relieved that the blister’s, um…gone.